As a same-sex couple thinking about starting a family, you probably have quite a few questions — and you’re not alone. Many LGBTQ+ individuals and couples are choosing surrogacy to grow their families, and we’re here to be a trusted resource for you every step of the way.
Surrogacy has become an increasingly popular path for gay couples, offering the opportunity to experience parenthood and build a loving family of your own. Thanks to advances in reproductive technology and growing social support, the process has never been more accessible or affirming.
As you begin this exciting journey, understanding the basics of surrogacy — and the unique considerations for LGBTQ+ parents — can help you move forward with clarity and confidence. In this article, we’ll walk you through how surrogacy works and how our agency supports your family-building goals every step of the way.
Quick Summary (TL;DR)
- Surrogacy is a popular and meaningful path for same-sex male couples to build their families.
- The process is similar to other surrogacy journeys, but may include a few additional steps — such as selecting an egg donor and addressing specific parentage considerations based on the state laws.
- Working with an experienced surrogacy agency can make all the difference by connecting you with trusted professionals and guiding you through each step of the process.
- Legal guidance is especially important, and finding an attorney who specializes in LGBTQ+ family building ensures your rights and parentage are fully protected.
Understanding the Surrogacy Process for Gay Couples
Starting a family through surrogacy is a big and exciting step for same-sex couples.
It offers the opportunity to become biological parents with the help of a gestational carrier. Like all forms of surrogacy, the surrogate will partner with a fertility clinic and undergo IVF, using embryos created with one or both of your genetic material to achieve pregnancy.
While it’s a deeply rewarding process, it can also be complex, with many moving parts to coordinate along the way. Below, we’ll break down the steps to help you understand what to expect as you begin your surrogacy journey.
The Step-by-Step Surrogacy Journey
The surrogacy journey has several steps:
- Meet with a fertility clinic. Your first step is to connect with a fertility clinic to establish your medical team and discuss your family-building goals.
- Choose an egg donor and create embryos. Using your own or donor sperm, you’ll work with your clinic to select an egg donor (if needed) and create embryos through IVF.
- Partner with a surrogacy agency. Your agency will guide you through the process of finding and matching with a gestational carrier who is the right fit for your family.
- Complete screenings and legal agreements. Your surrogate will undergo medical and psychological screening before everyone signs legal agreements that outline expectations, responsibilities, and protections for all parties.
- Begin the IVF cycle and embryo transfer. Once cleared, your surrogate will begin her IVF cycle and undergo the embryo transfer—hopefully resulting in a pregnancy!
- Prenatal care and ongoing support. Throughout the pregnancy, your surrogate will attend regular doctor’s appointments and receive ongoing care, while your agency keeps you informed and supported.
- Establishing parentage. Around the time of birth, your attorney will help finalize the legal steps to establish parenthood. For same-sex couples, unmarried partners, or those using donor material, these steps may vary depending on your state’s laws.
- Birth and next steps. Your gestational carrier will deliver your baby—an incredible milestone for everyone involved. Your agency and legal team will ensure any remaining paperwork or court hearings are completed so your parentage is fully secured.
Building Your Surrogacy Team
Same-sex male couples have a few unique considerations when pursuing surrogacy. Typically, you’ll need to select an egg donor, decide whose sperm will be used, and carefully navigate legal parentage, since both partners may not have a genetic connection to the child. Because of these complexities, it’s especially important to work with a team experienced in supporting LGBTQ+ families and familiar with the laws and processes in your state.
Inclusive Fertility Clinics
First and foremost, it’s important to find a fertility clinic that welcomes LGBTQ+ people. Look for clinics that have helped many same-sex couples in the past and are proud of that! They should offer services that meet your needs.
- Check online reviews and testimonials from other LGBTQ+ couples.
- Ask about the clinic’s experience with surrogacy and their success rates.
- Ensure they offer complete services.
Selecting the Right Surrogacy Agency
Next, you’ll need to choose your surrogacy agency. The right agency not only helps with the process but offers emotional support too.
When choosing an agency, think about these things:
- Look for agencies with experience with LGBTQ+ couples.
- Evaluate their matching process and screening process for surrogate candidates.
- Check the support and services they offer during your journey.
- Pay attention to the vibe you get as you get to know them. Your instincts are a powerful guide—trust your gut!
Choosing Your Legal Team
Finding an attorney who can help you navigate the legal complexities of a journey is crucial.
Find a law firm:
- That has expertise in the laws of your state.
- That has experience working with clients like you, while recognizing that every situation is unique.
- Where their attorneys are highly regarded by both past clients and other professionals in the field.
Working with Egg Donors
Working with an egg donor is a big part of surrogacy for same-sex male couples. It’s important to know what to expect.
Consider these things:
- The process of picking an egg donor, including how they match.
- The legal parts of working with an egg donor.
- The emotional and psychological support for you and your donor.
Creating a Meaningful Relationship with Your Surrogate
Building a good relationship with your surrogate is important. Good communication and respect are key.
To build a strong relationship, remember:
- Start with clear and open communication.
- Respect your surrogate’s boundaries and choices.
- Show thanks for your surrogate’s role in helping create your family.
Legal Landscape of LGBTQ+ Surrogacy in the United States
Understanding the legal side of surrogacy is key for LGBTQ+ individuals. Laws about surrogacy differ quite a bit in the U.S. as each state has its own rules.
Establishing Legal Parenthood
The top concern for intended parents pursuing surrogacy should be establishing their legal right as the parent of the child delivered via their surrogate. This means getting a court order that says you are the parents. Below, we’ll explore the main ways this is established.
Pre-Birth Orders
A pre-birth order is a court order before the baby is born. It makes sure the intended parents are on the birth certificate. In some states, this can’t be done until post-birth. Your legal team will be able to guide you on the approach required in your state.
Second-Parent Adoption
Sometimes, a second-parent adoption is needed. This lets the non-biological parent adopt the child. It makes sure both parents have the same rights.
Protecting Your Rights Throughout the Process
Protecting your rights is a crucial part of the surrogacy journey. One key way this is done is through a clear agreement directly with your surrogate. It’s important to carefully read and understand your surrogacy agreement before signing, as it outlines what both you and your surrogate have agreed to throughout the process.
Being informed about the laws and securing your legal rights helps make the journey smoother, allowing you to focus on the most important part: becoming parents with confidence and peace of mind.
Embracing Your Path to Parenthood
Remember, you’re not alone on your journey to parenthood. Many same-sex couples have found success through surrogacy. It’s important to understand the process, the laws, and to build a supportive team.
Surrogacy options are getting better. That said, knowing the laws in your state helps you make safe choices. Working with inclusive clinics and reputable agencies makes a big difference.
At Village Surrogacy, we understand the unique path that LBGTQ+ couples take to build their families. We’re here to guide you with compassion, clarity, and full support every step of the way—from matching with the right surrogate to navigating legal and financial details.
You’ve learned about surrogacy. Now, it’s time to take the next step. Contact us today and let’s start this amazing journey together.
