Every surrogacy journey is so unique to the people involved. Between the first meeting and delivery day, bonds will form—between surrogates and intended parents, and the many professionals that support their journey. One of the most common questions we hear at Village Surrogacy is: what will our relationship look like before and after birth? Will we stay in touch, share life updates, or naturally move forward on separate paths? We’re always so grateful when our surrogates and intended parents take the time to consider these possibilities ahead of time. Preparation and clear expectations truly help ensure everyone feels emotionally ready and supported throughout the journey.
A Quick Summary
- All surrogates and intended parents form emotional connections during a surrogacy journey that will shape their post-birth relationship.
- Post-birth communication can vary from open and ongoing to limited or none, depending on your match’s agreed upon communication style.
- We have conversations with intended parents and surrogates early in the process to understand your preferences and help set expectations for communication and boundaries for your match that align with your needs.
- Being respectful of emotional needs as they grow or change is so important for maintaining honest communication in a healthy post-birth relationship.
- There’s no single “right” way to stay in touch—each surrogacy journey is unique, and all outcomes are valid.
Emotional Connection Through Shared Moments
The act of carrying a child for another person or family is deeply personal. Over the course of pregnancy, surrogates and intended parents often share appointments, key milestones, and life events. These shared experiences can foster genuine affection and mutual respect.
- Shared milestones worth celebrating. A positive pregnancy test, hearing the baby’s heartbeat, the “first kick”, the anatomy scan, and prenatal celebrations can become joint occasions.
- Support networks. Intended parents may like to attend medical appointments and provide emotional connection, reinforcing the collaborative spirit.
- Empathy and understanding. Surrogates will develop a protective and supportive connection to the baby growing within them. Intended parents build excitement and hopefulness imagining the changes to their future that this new baby will bring. This combined journey naturally cultivates warmth and gratitude on both sides.
These events lay the groundwork for any surrogacy relationship both during and after birth. While every bond is different, these unique experiences will inevitably create a sense of commitment and connection between you all.
Communication: Start Early & Honestly
Preferences for communication styles is talked about well before embryo transfer or medical procedures. Many agencies and attorneys encourage surrogates and intended parents to talk in detail about their communication preferences from the very beginning. This can help the match feel more supported throughout the pregnancy and beyond. We find these topics are well-worth considering:
- Communication frequency
- Define whether updates will be weekly, monthly, or milestone related.
- Agree on the format: texts, emails, photos, video calls, or in-person.
- Depth of communication
- Specify whether you will share developmental milestones, family gatherings, or casual updates.
- Boundaries
- Outline any topics to avoid (e.g., personal struggles, financial details).
- Set guidelines for involvement in pregnancy related events.
- Duration of contact
- Determine if the relationship is open-ended or time-limited (e.g., until birth or the child’s first birthday).
- Geographic considerations
- Plan whether in-person visits are feasible or if the relationship will be primarily virtual.
By considering these questions, both parties enter the process with a clear understanding of what the surrogacy relationship before and after birth might entail, minimizing potential misunderstandings.
Do Surrogates & Intended Parents Usually Stay in Touch?
Once the baby arrives, some matches choose to maintain close contact, while others prefer a more formal conclusion to the relationship. Both scenarios are okay and normal! In our experience, we’ve seen that:
- Regular updates. About 80% of surrogates report receiving photo or video updates from the family over the first year.
- Occasional greetings. Nearly 60% of surrogates exchange holiday cards or milestone greetings.
- In-person visits. Fewer—around 30%—arrange in-person meetups, often impacted by location and proximity to one another.
- Privacy agreements. Roughly 5% of arrangements include a mutual decision to maintain privacy post-delivery.
We hope these numbers help show that a variety of communication styles exist. Whether your relationship post-birth is ongoing or concludes with delivery, each scenario can be healthy and appropriate based your match’s preference!
Contact Preferences to Model Your Journey After
Not all connections post-delivery look the same. Here are three different models your match could consider:
- Ongoing Connection
Surrogates and intended parents stay closely in touch—sharing photos, celebrating milestones like birthdays, and sometimes even coming together for family gatherings. This arrangement often grows into a bond that feels like extended family. - Occasional Connection
Updates are shared during meaningful moments, such as first steps or the start of school usually in the form of texts, photos, or videos. This thoughtful approach offers a blend of connection and healthy boundaries, honoring the unique journey shared. - Respectful Closure
After the baby is born and goes home, both parties lovingly part ways. A final message or keepsake may be exchanged, bringing the journey to a heartfelt and respectful close.
All styles are valid. The key is agreement and respect for each person’s emotional needs!
Respecting Boundaries & Staying Open
Even with the best intentions to create structure, feelings can evolve and preferences can change. It’s essential to revisit and respect boundaries as needed.
- Check-ins on comfort levels
It’s a great idea to periodically revisit your communication plan, especially if new life events arise (e.g., moving, starting a job, or other family changes). Or simply if you notice a shift in how you or they may be acting or feeling. - Timely conversations
If either party feels overwhelmed or under-involved, address it promptly and compassionately. - Flexibility
Sometimes, a surrogacy relationship may blossom unexpectedly. Be open to renegotiating terms if both sides agree. - Professional support
Agencies like Village Surrogacy can mediate discussions or provide counseling resources to support transitions.
Remember, revisiting this conversation can sometimes feel difficult, but it’s arguably the single most effective way to ensure your communication fits the needs of your match! Unsure of how to get started? Check out these tips about effective communication.
Tips for Managing Expectations
If you are experiencing anticipation or anxiety about life after delivery, these strategies can help:
- Write down your goals
Document what you hope to gain from post-birth contact—whether emotional closure, ongoing friendship, or simply updates. - Visualize scenarios
Consider best-case, moderate, and minimal-contact outcomes. Preparing mentally helps reduce surprises. - Lean on support networks
Talk with fellow surrogates or intended parents, attend support groups, or seek counseling to share and normalize your experiences. - Maintain self-care routines
Post-delivery recovery isn’t only physical nor exclusive to the gestational carrier. Prioritize activities that nurture your well-being: gentle exercise, creative hobbies, and rest. - Trust the process
Surrogacy agencies facilitate healthy transitions. Lean on Village Surrogacy’s expertise to guide you through the emotional landscape of your relationship after birth.
Reassure That All Outcomes Are Okay
Every surrogacy journey communicates differently. Some surrogates and intended parents cherish a lifelong friendship, while others find peace in a transactional relationship that ends. No matter which path you take, know that your choices and feelings are valid.
Planning ahead, setting clear boundaries, and fostering open communication lays the foundation for a positive pre- and post-birth experience. With support from Village Surrogacy and your own inner resilience, you can navigate the each chapter with confidence—knowing that your life and someone else’s has been changed forever.
If you’re considering becoming a surrogate or intended parent and want to learn more about how Village Surrogacy supports a surrogacy journey, contact us today. We’re here to guide you through every step, including what your surrogacy relationship after birth might look like. Contact us today to know more.
